a real damper on the day

At lunch just after I had heated up my food, Brian comes in the kitchen and says, "Look what I found" and is holding a leaf and has a horrible look on his face. I investigate, and it is a leaf with dog crap on it. I realized it came from my shoe, which is sporting more of the disgusting stuff. Oh good. I hate dog crap. With a passion. I have absolutely no patience for people not cleaning up after their dogs. And I hate when people let their dogs crap in people's yards. How rude. But anyway. Luckily I had already been all over the house, including the basement and upstairs, which is rare. Good. Also, some crap had transferred from my shoe to my jeans cuff. My one pair of jeans that kind of fits. So I take off shit shoe and shit jeans, put on some wind pants and sandals, and get the jeans into the washing machine. I get some paper towels and Lysol and head outside with shit shoe to clean it off. I wipe a shit leaf off of the shit shoe with a paper towel and what happens next? The shit leaf falls off of the paper towel onto my sock and sandal. What I was wearing for the rest of my lunch "break": a white shirt covered by a brown cable-knit big-button cardigan, maroon and white wind pants, a cream, brown, and pink argyle sock and black Nike soccer sandal on my left foot, and a brown leather flip-flop on my right foot. So in style.